cloud nine

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I was in line at the coffee shop, forced to overhear the animated grumblings of the two attractive blondes behind who were dissecting The Troubles. One was having problems with her boyfriend, the other was dishing out advice — bad advice, like Cosmo mag on steroids. two women

I’ve heard conversations like that before. Hell, I’ve had conversations like that before. What woman hasn’t? The man we’re hot on isn’t responding the way we want and so we ask a girlfriend for help. What do we get in return? “Play hard to get, don’t return his calls, make him jealous, ask him where he relationship’s ‘going,’ give him an ultimatum …”

As much as we mean well, women aren’t so great at giving other women tips, because, well, we’re women, too! We understand women, not men, and most of us have been tainted by all the crappy dating advice the media keeps throwing at us. And we buy more self-help books than men; there’s a warning sign right there!

Not to say that I haven’t given my share of advice; I have. But one of the best compliments I ever got was this, “You think like a guy.”

Well, I don’t really. I’m a girlie girl, one who revels in my femininity and all that it encompasses, and who appreciates men for all their masculine traits (and am forgiving of the ones I don’t get, as I hope they are of me!)

But I often feel disconnected to what’s considered “typical” female thoughts and actions.

I can have sex, great sex, without worrying about whether he’ll ever call me again. I don’t get tweaked if my partner looks at other women or comments on their attractiveness. I don’t mind if my partner watches porn. I don’t have to know where a relationship’s “going.” But, despite that, I can be as helpless in helping a gal figure out her love life as anyone else.

If you wanted tips on how to give mind-blowing blowjobs, you’d ask a gay guy, right? (Think: he knows what it feels like giving and receiving). So, if we’re trying to understand men, shouldn’t we be asking men about men? Asking another woman for advice about men is about as helpful as asking a Yes Man; you may hear what you want to hear, and not what you need to hear.

Now, you have to be careful which guy you ask; you don’t want to ask a player for relationship advice. You want to ask a guy who’s grounded, insightful and real.

Can men ask the same of women? I want to say yes, but … women don’t always know what we want. I know, because I’m a woman.

So, whom do you ask when you need relationship help?